The Tale of The Former Newly Single Woman and the Lonely Blacksmith

I was watching one of the “judge” shows this morning while getting ready for work. This man and woman, both 40, had known each other for many years. He is a lonely Blacksmith and she – well I don’t know what she does.

Some time back, she became suddenly single, so she decided to fully enjoy her newly found singledom. In her own words, “you mix some whiskey, add a little karaoke, and woo, who knows what could happen?”

She’s funny. I like her a lot.

Now, during the course of her newly found singledom, she and her old friend the lonely Blacksmith hook up. In her mind, she’s just being a single woman and doing things that single women do. In his mind, however, he thinks things are “headed somewhere”. But I’ll get back to that statement in a moment.

So they are now naked friends. And during this period of naked friendship she asks him to make an iron bed for her. He gladly accepts and they design it together. His rate for such a masterpiece is approximately $5,000. But because they are now naked friends, he charges her $2,000, because he thinks that he will eventually help her ‘tighten the bolts on the bed’ if you know what I mean. She pays him half up front and promises to pay him half in about a month’s time.

So he’s making the bed. And she disappears. For a few weeks. When it’s time to make the second payment she doesn't show up to make it.

But her new boyfriend does.

So the lonely Blacksmith refuses to take the money and sends a message with the now former newly single woman’s boyfriend that the price of the bed has now gone up to a whopping $5,000.

So she sues.

Fast forward to their court appearance. The judge asks the lonely Blacksmith why he charged her less than half of the going rate for the bed. The lonely Blacksmith answers “Well Your Honor, when we went from being friends to being ‘bed friends’ I thought we were going somewhere”.

My favorite former newly single woman chimes in and says, “yeah, we were going… to... bed.” Some of the women in the audience holler. One claps. They are thoroughly enjoying this. The lonely Blacksmith can’t help but smile. You can see on his face that he totally loves her sense of humor, he misses laughing at her jokes. You can see on the former newly single woman’s face that she’s totally sincere in her statement and completely confused as to why he’s making it such a big deal. I have to agree with her.

But alas, I am not the judge. Not the disapproving, older, male judge who says to my favorite former newly single woman that she manipulated the lonely Blacksmith to get what she wanted.

She shakes her head, ‘no’. But it’s no use.

And so my favorite former newly single woman must make a choice, pay the lonely Blacksmith another $4,000 or take back her $1,000 and walk away from her beautiful, one of a kind, iron bed.

She takes back her money and walks away.

And I can’t help but think… she should have gone to The People’s Court. Judge Milian is a former single woman who married in her 30s, much to her Latino family’s relief. And Judge Milian would have understood that it was just the case of a newly single woman, doing what newly single women do. Mix some whiskey, add a little karaoke, and woo!